


Painkillers

by bookoftheazuresky



Category: Tales of Xillia
Genre: Angst and Porn, First Time, M/M, Painkillers, Sibling Incest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-24
Updated: 2015-06-24
Packaged: 2018-04-05 22:10:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,237
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4196820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bookoftheazuresky/pseuds/bookoftheazuresky
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I love you,” Julius said, his voice low. Ludger caught his breath. “I love you,” he repeated as Ludger leaned in, unable to resist the urge to kiss him again. His lips shaped the words a third time against Ludger’s mouth, and then they were kissing again, deep, urgent kisses that stole the breath from his lungs.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Painkillers

**Author's Note:**

  * For [meadowlarked](https://archiveofourown.org/users/meadowlarked/gifts).



> You know when you promise a friend something and then have to follow through? Yeah, that was this fic. For the wonderful meadowlarked, may we always write fic for each other in honor of friendship!

Spirius Medical was one of the most sophisticated medical facilities in Elympios. That didn’t stop Julius from having seen way too much of it.

                                 

“No, I’m fine,” Julius said, forcing himself to enunciate the words clearly. He was tired, hurting, and this mission had already extended past the amount of time he told Ludger he would be away. He was not going to spend however long the doctors wanted to keep him for observation without seeing his brother. He’d already gotten bandaged up, so the only thing he needed to do was make his escape.

 

The doctor did not look convinced. “You shouldn’t be walking around in your condition.”

 

“And I won’t be. I just want to go home and recover in my own bed!” Julius snapped, his temper fraying.

 

“Just let him go.” Julius repressed the automatic surge of annoyance he felt at hearing Rideaux’s voice. If Julius was being sensible, he would probably take the agreement as a sign that he really should stay, but after that mission if he didn’t see Ludger safe and sound he was just going to fret himself to pieces. Which would be bad for recovering anyway.

 

“I’ll take that.” Rideaux cheerfully scooped up the clipboard from the scowling doctor’s hands, then waved him off. “Why so anxious to get back? Afraid baby brother is going to burn the apartment down?”

 

“I am not spending a week in observation so you can poke me with sharp instruments. Just give me some painkillers so I can go home and lay on my couch.” Previous experience told him that if Rideaux was in the general vicinity, he would undoubtedly be made into a lab rat for whatever treatment Rideaux was pioneering this week.

 

The other agent sighed theatrically. “It’s your funeral.” He produced a bottle and rattled it illustratively. “I’ll be _nice_ and let you test out my newest formulation.” He looked at it fondly. “I need to see if it works on Chromatus bearers anyway.”

 

Julius calculated his chances of getting any _other_ painkillers, then balanced it against his chances of actually getting out of here if Rideaux wasn’t supporting his decision. “Give it to me.”

 

Rideaux slapped the bottle into his palm. “Take two every twelve hours. Do _not_ overlap the doses,” he said, abandoning his provoking manner for a doctor’s professionalism. “Even if it starts to wear off before twelve hours is up, don’t take the next dose until the full time has elapsed.” He shrugged. “Or do, it’s not my problem if you end up back here.”

 

“…thanks.” Julius cracked the seal and dumped two into his hand, then dry swallowed them with skill born of long experience.

 

“Not a problem,” Rideaux informed him airily.

 

~

 

Ludger heard the from door open from his room, coming to attention as he heard Julius call, “I’m back!” Ludger immediately kicked off the blanket he’d draped over his feet, dislodging Rollo from his comfortable position curled between Ludger’s ankles. The recipe book Ludger had gotten from the library was tossed on the bed on the spot where he’d been curled up; he’d checked it out when Julius hadn’t shown up two days ago like he’d predicted and read it in lieu of the time he would normally spend with his brother in the evenings.

 

Ludger rushed into the living room, Rollo wailing his displeasure behind him.  The room was twilit; Ludger hadn’t bothered to keep the lights on when he was just going to read and go to bed early. Because of this, Julius was just a white shape in the dim light. “Welcome back!”

 

He hit the light switch, then caught his breath. Julius was almost swaying on his feet; Ludger covered the intervening distance without even registering it. Julius leaned into him, exhaustion clear in his face. Nevertheless, he smiled at Ludger, sweetly.

 

“How badly are you hurt? Do you need me to bandage you?” Ludger had performed such services before, though he knew Julius usually saw a doctor before he came back.

 

With some effort, Julius shook his head. “I just came back to sleep in my actual bed.” His voice was just as tired as his face. Unconsciously, he leaned more of his weight onto Ludger.

 

“What, not even for me?” Ludger joked, trying to cover up his worry. He hitched Julius’ arm up over his shoulders. “C’mon, big brother, let’s get you some rest.”

 

~

 

Ludger looked at his brother’s face, now relaxed in sleep, and felt a surge of tenderness mixed with guilt. It had taken him a long time to realize that his feelings for his brother weren’t what other people thought of when they thought of siblings. After all, Julius was strong and kind and handsome, the perfect big brother, so of course Ludger would love him. But then, in his mid-teens he’d started to notice how broad his brother’s shoulders were, the line of his waist, the blue of his eyes. They had been sparring during the summer, and Julius had pulled off his sweat soaked shirt, and Ludger had been riveted by the firm lines of his biceps and chest.

 

It had only gotten worse since then. Julius’ affection had started to mean more and more. He’d jumped on the chance to date Nova, had hoped that by going out with someone he’d be able to sort through his feelings, but it had only driven him back into Julius’ arms. He’d realized it was much too late when he’d cried into his brother’s chest, those familiar arms wrapped solidly around him while Julius murmured pleas to never do that again into his hair. He didn’t just love Julius, he was in love with him.

 

Since then he’d been so careful not to act like anything was different, but the act was so difficult. Every little touch sensitized his body; he craved it like a drug, found himself touching that warm skin whenever he had an excuse. Even now, with his brother injured in bed, he hadn’t been able to help himself.

 

Julius looked so vulnerable without his glasses, Ludger thought. He ran his fingers through Julius’ short hair, and cradled his face. Julius didn’t wake, but tipped his head to get more of Ludger’s touch. His face was peaceful in sleep, the marks of strain smoothed out. He was beautiful, and Ludger’s heart felt like it would burst with his love.

 

His thumb brushed his brother’s mouth, then almost without thinking about it, he slid it across his lower lip. Soft, he thought. Julius was so tempting. And he was asleep, he rationalized, so he wouldn’t know if Ludger stole a kiss. As if in a dream, Ludger leaned in to press his lips against Julius’.

 

At first it was just a chaste press of lips. That alone was enough to spread a blush across Ludger’s cheeks, and shorten his breath with excitement. But if Ludger was only going to do this once, he wanted to know what it was really like. He tasted Julius’ mouth, intoxicated with his nearness, the warmth of his body. It took him a long moment to comprehend that Julius was kissing him _back_ , lips moving against his own.

_I’m dreaming_ , he thought. With that realization, he didn’t feel guilty about deepening the kiss. Surely this was just another of his dreams. He would wake up and the apartment would still be empty. Freed from the propriety of the waking world, he licked into Julius’ mouth, whimpering as his brother’s tongue slid against his own. He felt Julius’ hand in his hair, his strong hand warm against his scalp, guiding him as his big brother took kisses from his desperate mouth.

 

He pulled back, breathing hard. Julius’ hand stayed in his hair, tilting his head so that his bother could look at him. Ludger’s breath caught at the tender expression on his big brother’s face. “Julius,” he rasped, something not quite fear creeping into his heart. His dreams had never been this detailed, this clear. Without Julius’ lips getting in the way of his brain, he was swiftly coming to the conclusion that this was real; he’d really kissed his brother.

 

“Ludger,” he heard Julius murmur. The pure affection in his voice let his lungs work again. Julius’s next words heated his cheeks, “You’re so beautiful.” Julius’ hand slid from the back of his head to his cheek. He put his own hand against it, cradling it as he luxuriated in the feel of the sword calluses against his skin.

 

“Is this real?” he asked. Julius was still looking at him with an expression of pure sweetness, his face lit up. It matched to the feeling in his chest, the one that made it hard to breathe whenever Julius smiled at him.

 

“I love you,” Julius said, his voice low. Ludger caught his breath. “I love you,” he repeated as Ludger leaned in, unable to resist the urge to kiss him again. His lips shaped the words a third time against Ludger’s mouth, and then they were kissing again, deep, urgent kisses that stole the breath from his lungs. Ludger shifted from the chair up onto the bed, the mattress dipping as he rested his knee on it. Julius shifted his hand from Ludger’s cheek to his neck, fitting his grip into the curve, pulling him closer. Ludger knew he was making embarrassing sounds, gasps and whines that tore themselves from his throat without any input from his brain, but he couldn’t seem to _stop._ Couldn’t have stopped kissing his big brother even if the world shattered around him.

His _brother_. This was so wrong, Ludger knew it was wrong, but surely it wouldn’t feel this good if it was. Surely Julius’ love was the only right thing in the world.

 

On the strength of that thought, he tore himself away from Julius’ mouth to climb up on the bed. He carefully kept from putting any weight on his brother as he straddled his hips, knees on either side. Julius was looking up at him with high color in his cheeks, his throat. The bandages on his torso were a reminder that Ludger needed to be careful, he couldn’t get too carried away.

 

“Ludger,” Julius murmured again. What he wouldn’t give to keep hearing that.

 

“What do you want me to do, Julius?” Ludger asked. He couldn’t believe his good luck, that Julius would return his love in this way. He never could have imagined that Julius would want him. He dropped to his hands and knees, bracketing Julius’ shoulders like he had his hips. “I’ll do whatever you want, anything.”

 

The sound Julius made was just short of a moan. He said, his voice low in the manner of a confession, “I want you.”

 

It pulled an answering sound from Ludger’s throat. “I’m yours.” It was nothing short of the truth. “However you want me, I’m yours.”

 

“Ifrit, Ludger.” Julius shifted under him. He was aware of the warm solidity of Julius underneath him with no more than his clothes and Julius’ pajama pants between them; he’d kicked off the sheets when he’d climbed up. His shadow ran across Julius’ shoulder in the light of the moon.

 

“Come here,” Julius said, sliding a caressing hand around Ludger’s waist. Ludger spent a second working out logistics in his head; he couldn’t put weight on Julius’ chest, but his legs should be fine. With that in mind, he rolled off Julius’ body, bracing his weight on his right elbow so he could scoot closer. Julius shifted to meet him, using his hand on Ludger’s waist to pull them closer. Ludger’s legs entwined with his brother’s, head pressed to his throat, and he let out a small cry when he found their hips together; he heard Julius make a breathlessly pleased sound. He wanted to hear it again.

 

He deliberately rolled his hips, grinding against Julius. He seemed to be in agreement with the heat spreading from the places where they were touching; the arm around his waist shifted lower to pull them tighter together. Ludger groaned at the possessive grip on his ass, more aware than ever that his sleep pants were growing tighter. He could feel Julius through the thin layers of cloth separating them, spared a second to align their hips better, then felt his eyes roll back as their erections aligned perfectly. The friction was so good, he could come from just this, but he wanted more. He wanted Julius.

 

“Julius,” Ludger gasped. He tilted his head up, seeking. Julius obliged, giving him another of those glorious kisses. He was so hot, it was so good.

 

“Julius!” he said again when they broke apart. Julius’ eyes were glassy with lust, his mouth slick and swollen from the force of their kisses. Ludger licked his own lips, tasting his brother. “I want you inside me.”

 

Awed desire chased its way across Julius’ face. He was so gorgeous, Ludger thought. Anxiety began to gnaw at his heart when Julius frowned. “Julius, what’s…” Fear that his brother would come to his senses filled his body with cold.

 

His brother must have seen something in his face: he kissed Ludger again, just a sweet press of lips. “You’ll have to be on top. It’s probably a bad idea for us to get too energetic.”

 

Ludger flushed. Hadn’t he had the same thought at the beginning? “Don’t worry,” he teased back, “I’ll do all the hard work. You just lay back.”

 

“Don’t sass me,” Julius said, smiling. He disentangled them gently, rolling onto his back, and reached for the nightstand. Ludger busied himself with getting rid of his pajamas. The cooler air was a relief on his overheated body, but the real relief was freeing his erection from where it had been tenting his pants.

 

He caught Julius looking at him with that same expression of pure worship. “You are so beautiful,” Julius told him, his voice bordering on reverence. He flushed, giving in to the urge to hunch his shoulders. Julius, laid out on the bed with his heated skin and glassy eyes, the muscled lines of his body barely hidden by bandages and a thin pair of pants, was really the beautiful one. He moved back to Julius’ side, sliding a hand across the waistband of his sleeping pants.

 

“You want me to get these off?” he asked, his voice husky.

 

“Please,” Julius said, his voice bordering on desperate. Ludger restrained a smile at the rough edges of his voice and did as he was told, pulling the thin fabric down Julius’ legs until he could toss it aside. He sat back on his heels and admired for a moment the proud jut of Julius’ cock. Julius’ frame was bigger than Ludger’s and his cock was proportionally thicker. Butterflies fluttered in his stomach. He’d played around with fingering himself but he’d never had someone inside him before. Logically, he knew that people did this all the time, but there was a difference between that and knowing that he was going to be taking that inside himself.

 

“Can I?” he asked, reaching out.

 

“ _Yes_ , Ludger,” Julius said, his composure cracking. Without delay, Ludger wrapped a hand around his brother’s erection. He could feel how hard Julius was, the pulse of blood under the thin skin. He dragged his hand up and Julius’ hips left the bed to try to keep the contact. Ludger watched with fascination as each slide of his hand against skin frayed his brother’s control a bit more.

 

“Stop,” Julius managed. Ludger froze. “If you keep doing that,” he continued breathlessly, “I’m going to come.”

 

As enjoyable as that thought was, Ludger was greedy, needy. He wanted to have indelible proof that Julius loved him as more than a brother; that Julius was just as eaten alive by this flame as he was. If they made love, Ludger’s insecurities told him, then there would be no denying what they had done come morning, no takebacks. And if this was a dream after all…then Ludger wanted to get everything he could from it.

 

“Not yet,” he told Julius imperiously.

 

Julius cracked a smile and produced the bottle of lubricant that he must have been reaching for earlier. “Do you know how to do this, or do you need me to?”

 

Ludger snatched the tube from him, then, hands trembling with eagerness as he opened it and slicked his fingers with the fluid contents. He reached down, worked one finger in, and he scarcely waited for the first stretch to ease before he slid the second in, spreading himself open to take Julius in.

 

“Ludger.” Ludger hadn’t even realized he’d shut his eyes. He blinked the open to meet his brother’s gaze. Julius smiled at him, his voice low and soothing. “I’m not going anywhere.”

 

Ludger exhaled, forcing himself to relax. If Julius wanted this slower, he’d go slower. He smiled back. “It’s hard to wait. I’ve wanted this for so long.” He reslicked his fingers, and focused on deliberately opening himself up. He resisted the urge to just fuck his own fingers until he came. There was something much better in store.

 

Finally, he was ready. He moved to straddle his brother one again, Julius’ hands coming up to rest on his thighs. He reached down to palm Julius’ cock, slicking it. “Go slow,” Julius ordered, his voice hoarse.

 

“However you want me,” Ludger said. He could finally have Julius. He could…

 

He wrapped his hand around Julius’ erection, and pushed down. He could feel the stretch, the ache. Even better was Julius’ hands tightening on his thighs enough to bruise. Slowly, inch by agonizing inch, he worked his brother into his body until they were flush. Both he and Julius breathed out.

 

He felt _wonderful_. He and Julius fit together, pleasure radiating out from where they joined together. Julius had that reverent look on his face again; he knew he probably looked just as besotted. Finally, he’d gotten what he’d barely dared to wish for. His beloved brother, his beloved, had returned his feelings. Surely there was no better feeling than this, to know his love was returned.

 

“I’m going to move,” he said. Julius shifted his grip on Ludger’s thighs, a ripple of tension crossing his face. Ludger lifted up, testing the drag of Julius’ cock inside him. Then he began to ride his brother in earnest.

 

Julius’ face twisted in pleasure with each movement. His hands on Ludger’s thighs helped Ludger move, encouraging him to seek his own pleasure. Ludger bit his lip against the sensation, searching for the perfect angle. He could hear Julius murmuring encouragement and praise with the little attention he had to spare.

 

“Ah!” he nearly yelped. There it was, the spike of pleasure as Julius hit his prostate. The muscles in his thighs were starting to burn with strain from the effort of keeping his frantic pace, but Ludger sped up. Everything was too hot, too good for him to last much longer, and he wanted this to be good for Julius. He tracked his brother’s pleasure from his breathing and the grip on his legs.

 

Suddenly, Julius shifted his hand, reaching up to take Ludger’s cock. Ludger yelled at the sudden spike in pleasure, his rhythm stuttering.

 

“Come for me,” Julius commanded. Ludger helplessly obeyed, orgasm whiting out his brain with pleasure. He tensed like a bow, every muscle in his body tightening with his release. He heard Julius moan through the haze of pleasure in his skull as his body milked his brother to completion.

 

Ludger barely managed not to fall on top of Julius, gasping for air. He met Julius’ eyes and smiled, simply happy. They stayed like that for a long moment before Ludger let his brother’s cock slip out of him and rolled off onto the wall side of the bed. He pressed a kiss to Julius’ bare shoulder, the only part of his brother he could reach. “That was…” he searched for adequate descriptors. Finally, he settled on “wonderful. Though I could definitely go for a nap now.”

 

“Stay,” Julius murmured. “Stay with me.”

 

~

 

Julius roused slowly, a warm lassitude filling his limbs and weighing him down. He felt much better than he’d been expecting to. When he’d thought about coming home, he’d resigned himself to spending the time on the couch pretending he was fine for Ludger. Clearly, he’d underestimated the fruits of Rideaux’s research. Not that he would tell the man that, but it never hurt to appreciate the person who prescribed you painkillers.

 

The sun slanted down through his window, leaving him half blinded when he cracked his eyes. He rarely got to enjoy lying in bed in the morning, since he had to go to work, but that only made it more pleasurable. Shifting revealed a warm weight on the side of his bed facing the window. Ludger must have been really worried, he thought with absent fondness, to have gotten in bed with him. He’d have to tease his little brother a bit for that later.

 

He turned his head to the side, finding a head of silvery hair tumbled across his other pillow. His gaze idly roamed down, catching the pale ivory of Ludger’s bare shoulder and legs, broken up by his white sheets. That…wasn’t right, he thought, a shadow of uneasiness creeping up along with the desire to trace those smooth lines with his hands. He groped blindly for his glasses as he pushed himself up, twinges of pain running through his muscles. Ludger stirred as he found them, unfolding them one handed and sliding them on.

 

Ludger looked up at him, the gold rings in his blue eyes brighter than ever in the sunlight. He looked…besotted, was the only word Julius’ brain could come up with. This wasn’t the pure affection Ludger normally gave him, so pure that it helped him wipe away any thoughts that might be less than brotherly. That look had taken on another dimension. Ludger’s expression, while no less tender, was _knowing_ , edged with a desire realized. His face bore the tempered look of a love consummated.

 

Ludger had _no reason_ to be looking at him like that, no reason to be looking at _his brother_ like that. Julius had always been good at forcing down the desires that had woken unbidden when Ludger had matured into a gorgeous adult. Ludger’s innocence had ensured that any slipups on his part had gone unnoticed; they were hardly conventional siblings, and a lot of things could be hidden under that wide umbrella. But this look had _nothing_ of innocence in it.

 

“Good morning,” Ludger said, his voice low and pleased. He pushed himself up, the sheets sliding off his leanly muscled frame. Julius couldn’t help a swift slide of his eyes down that moonlit skin and found his gaze riveted by dark handprints blazoned onto the line of his thighs and the curve of his trim waist. Handprints that Julius was terribly certain would match the spread of his own fingers.

 

That certainty froze him until Ludger’s hand turned his chin and Ludger met his lips in a kiss. A thorough, claiming kiss. Julius fumbled to get a hand between them, pushing his little brother off.

 

Immediately, Ludger’s eyes widened with concern. “Did I hurt you? I forgot about your injuries. You probably need the bandages changed, right?” The concern in his voice was unfeigned, but it made Julius sick to his stomach anyway. It was so perfectly Ludger – but Ludger was naked in his bed, his posture that of a lover asking about the health of his partner. The depravity that had twisted his love for his brother had spread, infiltrating even his little brother’s feelings. The ruin Julius carried inside his skin had spread, black as a divergence catalyst, into even this corner of his life.

 

Julius felt his breath speed up, heedless of the twinge of pain from his abused ribs. He had done this. He couldn’t remember what he had done, but the fault must lie with him. Had he forced Ludger? Pulled his little brother into his bed and stilled his protests with passion, taken advantage of his inexperience to ravage him? Inexperience, he thought, sicker than ever. Ludger was a virgin; _had been_ a virgin. The proof of the theft of his innocence was written on his body, written in deep violet shaped to Julius’ claiming hands. Even worse, it shadowed his eyes with experience, a knowledge no sibling should have.

 

He couldn’t stand it. Julius didn’t even think, just pushed himself out of bed, ignoring the pain of injuries not yet healed. He had no idea of where he where going, just away, away from his brother, away from the bed where he had stolen the purity of their relationship.

 

Unfortunately, emotional upheaval and injuries did not an attentive Spirius agent make. He felt Ludger’s hands, twisted away automatically, and felt Ludger _push_ , just like he’d trained him to do with a blade disarm. They ended up on the couch, Julius hissing out a breath as the impact and Ludger’s body on top of him rattled through every bruised bone and aching muscle.

 

“What the hell, Julius?!” Ludger demanded. His naked body was all pale lines, though the angle Julius had landed at made it hard to take in the whole lovely picture. They were entangled in a parody of lovemaking, legs twisted together, Ludger gripping his upper arm with a hard pressure while balancing with his other on the back of the couch.

 

“Get off of me,” Julius snapped back.

 

“You shouldn’t be up,” Ludger retorted. “What were you even thinking?”

 

“None of your business!”

 

Ludger recoiled slightly, though whether at the tone or the words, Julius didn’t know. His younger brother reached for conciliatory. “Seriously, I thought that getting laid made people less cranky in the morning.”

 

Julius felt like someone had punched him in the solar plexus. Ludger threw that statement out so casually, as if they were lovers just having an argument, a minor spat.

 

Ludger must have seen something in his face. “Julius?” he asked, as concerned as he had been in bed asking after Julius’ wounds.

 

“Get OFF!” Injured or not, Julius was still the top combatant retained by Spirius. A teenager, even one he himself had trained, was no match for his combat experience. He twisted, dropping his left shoulder down, Ludger’s balancing handgrip loosening at the yank, then accelerated his fall with his previously trapped elbow.

 

The sound Ludger made when he hit the ground made Julius want to flinch. Instead he pushed himself into a sitting position, trying to think of his next move. He couldn’t leave, he was dressed only in bandages. It would have been a better idea to try holing up in the bathroom, but he’d have to get over Ludger to do it. And from the look Ludger was giving him, Ludger had no intention of letting him escape so easily.

 

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Ludger demanded. Ludger got his legs underneath him, readying himself to move if Julius took off again, but made no effort to stand.

 

“I don’t want to talk about this.” Julius sounded firm and commanding even to his own ears.

 

“Too bad. I’ve put up with you not telling me anything for years, and when you finally…” Ludger trailed off, his turquoise eyes widening with something like betrayal. “That’s what this is.”

 

All the animation drained out of Ludger, his shoulders rounding as his head bowed, bangs shadowing his eyes. “You’re regretting last night.”

 

Julius, torn between his automatic urge to comfort his little brother and the desire to get away, said nothing.

 

“I’m so stupid. Were you just humoring me? Giving in to my sick needs to make them go away?” Ludger sounded close to tears. He swiped at his face. “You told me you loved me. Was it all just a lie?”

 

“Of course not!” Julius said, with no input from his brain as the words hit a little too close for comfort.

 

“Then what?” Ludger looked up at him, eyes glistening with unshed tears. “I want answers. I think I deserve them!”

 

Now there was a demand that Julius wouldn’t, couldn’t answer. Ludger deserved a lot more than someone like Julius, whose hands were stained with blood, who bore the curse of his clan, just a sacrifice intended for Origin’s Trial.

 

Ludger took in Julius’ averted gaze and tight mouth.

 

“You coward.” Now Ludger’s voice was firm, dark with disappointment. He stood up, his fists balled at his sides, then closed the distance between himself and Julius with a confident stride. He grabbed Julius’ shoulder in a tight grip, then closed the last stretch between his and Julius’ mouths.

 

The kiss this morning had nothing in common with this one. Ludger’s mouth demanded a response, forcing him to yield to his younger brother’s force. He tried to push back, but Ludger wasn’t having any of it, leaning more of his weight to cage Julius and keep him in place.

 

Ludger kissed him until his head was swimming with oxygen deprivation, then pulled back. Julius didn’t have time to take more than a single breath before his brother’s bare legs slid along his thighs, straddling him. Ludger didn’t leave him too much time to be apprehensive, just took advantage of the new angle to take possession of his mouth once again.

 

Of their own accord Julius’ hands slid up those long, enticing legs, tracing the lines of bruises that he could almost remember making. The close proximity and lustful touches struck a chord in the blank space in Julius’ memory. More, his body had no reservations. Arousal sparked everywhere his baby brother touched, warming his body with a dark flame.

 

Ludger chuckled mirthlessly. “It looks like I can get the truth out of your body, even if I can’t get it from your mouth.” A hand slid down to stroke lightly over his cock. Julius’ head impacted the wall as a gasp tore its way free from his throat. Ludger took a firmer grip on his burgeoning arousal and set an agonizing pace. There was no prospect of release from the slow rhythm. When Julius was fully hard, Ludger released him, prompting a whine.

 

Julius forced his eyes open, unsure of when he’d shut them. Ludger was tasting the precome moistening his hand with a meditative expression. He caught Julius looking at him, then slid his fingers into his own mouth; eyes fixed deliberately on Julius, then pulled his slick fingers out of his mouth with a wet sound.

 

Ifrit, what a look, Julius thought helplessly. Ludger didn’t look sweet anymore; he looked predatory, challenging. Ludger leaned in, his arousal pressed to Julius’ stomach.

 

“Ludger…” he managed, his voice holding an unmistakable lust. Ludger smiled at him now, his lips curling up with satisfaction.

 

“That’s right, big brother.” He leaned in, draping his arms across Julius’ shoulders. His breath puffed across Julius’ lips. Julius tipped his head up, expecting another kiss, but Ludger kept just out of reach. “I love you.”

 

“Ludger,” Julius repeated helplessly, squirming beneath his little brother’s weight.

 

Ludger teased him with a mime of a kiss, then ducked his head down to lave his tongue where Julius’ jaw met his neck. He bit, provoking a small cry out of his big brother, then sucked hard.

 

Julius was gasping and clutching Ludger’s leanly muscled frame against him by the time Ludger deigned to stop. The point he had bitten felt hot and bruised.

 

Ludger moved up, just a bit, to murmur in Julius’ ear. “If you want me to stop, tell me. I will. But…” He felt Ludger’s hands tighten on his shoulders. “If you’re doing this because you think I’m some child to protect…believe me when I say I know what I want. I want you, Julius.”

 

“I’m not supposed to want you,” was pulled out of him, the confession flavored with copper as if Ludger had pulled it from him with a blade. But there was no disbelieving the certainty in Ludger’s voice.

 

“Forget that,” Ludger commanded. “What do you, Julius Will Kresnik, want?”

 

Julius laughed, short and helpless. Julius Will Kresnik was just as much an illusion as their life together. Yet for all of that…

 

“You. Spirits help me, I love you.” He deserved hell for this. But for all his denial, it felt like his whole life had been leading up to this. This was the path that would sentence him to sacrifice on the altar of his bloodline’s trial. Since he’d found Ludger, all of his life, all of his love, had been destined to rest with his beloved, his brother. Now he could understand the old family legend that a soul bridge could only be forged by one’s beloved offering up their very life, because in this moment he resolved to do so.

 

He met Ludger’s shining eyes. A smile bloomed into life on his little brother’s face, transcendent delight spilling into his eyes and curving his mouth. “Oh, Julius!” Ludger wrapped his arms around Julius’ neck, tucking himself into the solidity of his body. Julius returned the embrace, cradling his little brother.

 

For a minute they stayed like that. The release of tension left Julius shaky and raw, his emotions laid bare, so he was content to simply savor the feeling of Ludger in his arms.

 

But now that the moment had passed, Julius was becoming aware that for all the release of the emotional tension his body had desires of its own. He felt Ludger stir against him, first unconsciously, then an unmistakable press of his arousal against his belly. He didn’t bother to try and reign in the hitch of his breath; his body was newly sensitized to Ludger’s and was demanding no less than what was so freely offered.

 

Ludger exhaled hotly against his neck. “I can feel that,” he purred, grinding deliberately against Julius’ bare skin. They were both, Julius realized again, completely naked. A sharp spike of envy for his past self sent his hands wandering over the glorious swathes of skin laid bare. He’d had all of Ludger’s beautiful self but couldn’t remember a thing about it beyond scattered sense memories.

 

He’d just have to remake them so clearly that they would be engraved upon his soul, steal it back from his past self. Now that he had it, he wasn’t letting anything get in his way.

 

On the heels of that thought, he found his hand in Ludger’s hair, pulling him up for a real kiss. Ludger made a pleased sound, returning his kiss ardently. His younger brother writhed against him, his body making urgent demands of Julius that he was only too happy to oblige.

 

A shift of their weight and he tumbled Ludger back onto the couch. Ludger stared up at him, eyes huge and dark, the bright blue contracted to a thin rim around the pupil. His hands tugged Julius back down to him; Julius did nothing so much as fall into him.

 

He lost himself in the slick feel of skin on skin, aligning their arousals and sliding against Ludger. Ludger eagerly wrapped his legs around Julius’ waist, pushing up to meet his every thrust. He could hear, as if in another world, Ludger gasping and panting and pleading for more, his arms wrapped around Julius’ shoulders. His nails were digging bloody crescents into Julius’ shoulderblades, but he couldn’t bring himself to care in the slightest.

 

He was close. He turned his head into the curve of Ludger’s neck, nuzzling heedless of his glasses sliding askew on his nose. Ludger’s pleas had tapered off into increasingly higher pitched sounds, as if he couldn’t get enough air in his lungs to make proper noises.

 

Julius’ climax hit like a cresting wave; he bit down on the bared skin of his little brother’s shoulder to silence the cry of triumph in his throat. Ludger jerked under him, spine arching as he wailed.

 

They lay in a tangle of spent limbs, trying to relearn how to breathe. Julius knew that he should move, Ludger couldn’t be comfortable lying with all Julius’ weight on his chest. His muscles felt as responsive as wet noodles and he couldn’t manage anything besides shifting to the side so that he was putting weight more on the couch than Ludger.

 

He started slightly as he felt Ludger’s fingers run through his hair. “I’m gonna have a big bruise where you bit me,” Ludger observed, failing to sound as though it was a complaint.

 

“Sorry.” Julius couldn’t manage up anything resembling repentance for putting another mark on his little brother’s skin, not when Ludger sounded so pleased, anyway.

 

“Actually…” Ludger said, his voice gone considering. “You’ve got time off because you’re injured, right?”

 

“Yeah…”

 

Ludger performed a pleased little shimmy. When Julius looked up at his face, he had a look of positively feline satisfaction.

 

“That’s really great, big brother.” He curled his fingers possessively in Julius’ hair. “We’ve got so much to _talk_ about, after all.

 

Julius shivered, anticipation curling sharply in his belly.

 

~

 

“It’s your own fault,” Julius told a scowling Rideaux. “When the one of side effects of your medicine is _memory loss_ , expecting me to give you a full report afterwards is ridiculous.”


End file.
